a glimpse of who i might be

now, at this age, she finally saw herself in the mirror, and with eyes closed, she saw from within that she had become a woman after all and the little girl was no more and that those round breasts, the reasonably slender figure, her long, slightly wavy, golden hair (no grey yet), her brown eyes and well-shaped mouth might after all be attractive. after the years of marriage and two children, she finally saw the woman she might be and she blushed in embarrassment that she should have thought of herself as a little girl for so long despite all that had happened and all the years. she had never thought of herself as beautiful and had not noticed mens' gaze on her, and maybe she had thus, by denying herself the blossoming of her femininity allowed it to grow sheltered, within... now she felt the "rare beauty" someone had seen not so long ago. after all those years she suddenly understood how, when the first signs of becoming a woman manifested on her, she had become scared at the thought of becoming desirable to men even though she seems to have always known that she desired this, too, and so the denial began, the desperate efforts to starve her womanhood, and later, the half-hearted concessions as her body needed warmth, caresses, and bearing children...
still scared, she chooses to dance... still scared...